Late 30s virgin

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In these open-minded times, one taboo has held steady: never having had sex at all.

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Four thirtysomething virgins explain how they deal with the stigma. If it seems as though taboos about sex have lifted in these ostensibly open-minded times, there is one that holds steady: the stigma over never having had sex. It may be that later-in-life virginity is dismissed as a problem with an easy fix.

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And the most recent data available, fromsuggests that just 2. Yet there are many reasons that a thirty or fortysomething might never have had sex, says Libby, a year-old Canadian. It could be due to hood of abuse, or physical health issues like cerebral palsy, or a religious upbringing, or even lack of comprehensive sex education. When she was well, she found that medication — for her mental health, and oral contraceptives to mitigate her very painful periods — wiped out her libido. Richard also identifies poor mental health as a factor in his virginity. He is now on antidepressants and — following substance abuse in his 20s — sober.

Dating apps are no solution — for him or many others. He is articulate, even wryly humorous, about his virginity, even as he says it causes him day-to-day unhappiness.

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Although he desires a relationship more than sex, he says that at a certain point his status can become self-perpetuating. A few years ago, Richard went to see a sex therapist, but never returned. The therapist spent the rest of the hour practising a mindfulness technique, says Richard. Three years ago Richard was pursued by a woman who retreated after learning, via a game of 20 questions over text, that he was a virgin. Julia, from Los Angeles, also comes up against preconceptions.

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At 31 going on 32, she is an evangelical Christian and still a virgin, as is her boyfriend. These days, she says, most young evangelicals have premarital sex or rush into marriage. But, Julia agrees, as a virgin by choice she is an anomaly. For others the hurdles can seem insurmountable. Jim, a year-old from East Sussex, has never been kissed. He had few friends in secondary school, where his confidence was shot by bullying, and his social circle has dwindled since then.

He has never told anyone that he is a virgin. Sex, as he sees it, is a destination, but he is more interested in the journey. Richard says something similar. Libby, however, is feeling good about the future. Over the past few years her health has improved, allowing her to invest in her work, home, family and friendships. She has since ed up for two online dating sites and had more good experiences than bad.

Until very recently, only her two closest friends knew she was a virgin. And a weight will be lifted off my shoulders.

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Some say they avoid town centres in order to not be faced with happy couples. Elle Hunt. Tue 18 Jun Virgin territory: why the Japanese are turning their backs on sex Roland Kelts. Topics Sex Relationships features. Reuse this content.

Late 30s virgin

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How it feels to be a virgin in your 30s and 40s: our readers share their stories