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According to some feminist theorists, love and friendship may not be as distinct as we imagine. Suddenly, just like famous heterosexual couples, popular lesbian couples and details of their romances filled gossip magazines and became commonplace household conversation. Like many contemporary women, Carrie and her friends are highly conflicted about their looks, their attractiveness, and their sexuality, sometimes flaunting their bodies and sometimes hiding them.

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Even today, when fluidity of sexual identity is acknowledged and freedom to choose a sexual partner of any gender is allowed, at least in some places, the issue of sex and friendship between women can still disturb. Madonna, who says that she is bisexual, told one interviewer that she has had a lot of crushes on women but has only been in love with men.

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She is not alone. In one recent study, almost three-quarters of the straight women participants were stimulated sexually by looking at other women. In some cases, they are simply part of our connection as friends. Research confirms that women are often sexually aroused by touching and being touched. When I asked if Seo-yun thought the physical contact with other women had helped her feel better about herself physically, she laughed.

I have suffered all my life from feeling inadequate and imperfect. No matter what I accomplish, I feel like a failure. I am working on this problem. And my body is part of the problem. Melody, on the other hand, is one of many women who told me that they became more comfortable with their body and their heterosexuality through a brief foray into a sexual relationship with a good female friend. A thirty-five-year-old kindergarten teacher, she lived in the Midwest with her boyfriend and their two children.

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I would go so far as to say that my friendships, more than anything else in my life, have shaped and formed me. One is more like a sister than anything. And the other one — well, when we were younger, we experimented with each other sexually. All through adolescence, sometimes while we were also having relationships with guys, we experimented together. But I know that I am who I am today because of this relationship. We understand each other more deeply and truly than anyone else in the world.

After the usual chitchat, we started talking about sexual experiences in college. One of them, who has been happily married to a great guy for twenty-five years, said that she and her college roommate had played around with each other, kissing, touching, giving each other orgasms.

Almost all of the other women around the table said they had done some of that too. I had no idea that it was going on. Where was I? What was wrong with me? I was so naive then, I might have been horrified, which might be why no one ever suggested it to me. But I think it might have made a huge difference in my life.

Not that I would have found out that I was gay. I really like sex with a man. But I might have learned to be more comfortable with my body. So, even when we have no interest in becoming sexual with a close woman friend, we might have some sexual stirrings when we are around her. You were supposed to be open to anything and everything.

The pressure to be open to a range of sexual experiences has apparently had an interesting surprise impact on young people. According to some studies, people in their late teens and early twenties are less likely to have sex now than the same age group two decades ago.

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